| If I Can |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|10:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be
If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me
If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too
Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.
Author, Helen Steiner Rice |
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| Your Cross |
[Oct. 10th, 2004|12:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
The young man was at the end of his rope. Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer.
"Lord, I can't go on," he said. "I have too heavy a cross to bear."
The Lord replied, "My son, if you can't bear its weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then, open that other door and pick out any cross you wish."
The man was filled with relief. "Thank you, Lord," he sighed, and he did as he was told.
Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible. Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall. "I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered. The Lord replied, "But my son, that is the cross you just brought in."
When life's problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself far more blessed than you imagined. |
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| Bush 2004 |
[Oct. 3rd, 2004|02:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
Saw the best bumper sticker ever tonight.
It said:
Kerry is Scary
:) |
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| TRUTH |
[Sep. 22nd, 2004|07:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
I admitted it today.
I admitted it to the doctor.
I was raped :( |
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| Suicide |
[Sep. 15th, 2004|07:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
Sometimes I obsess on killing myself. Sometimes I’ll think and plan for all the ways I could do it, and then narrow them down by type. I’ll think I could drive down to the skyway bridge and jump, but then I image pulling over at the mid point of the bridge and walking over to the wall and losing my nerve and being grabbed by the police before I jump or jumping out of fear of being grabbed by someone and not when I am ready to go. Sometimes I’ll think of shooting myself and I like the idea because it’s 100% fatal because even If I don’t shoot myself in the exact right place to be instantly fatal I feel safe knowing I would bleed to death before being found since I have planned to drive out someplace in the country where no one will find me. That’s too instant for me though. I want to die slowly and be able to feel my body dying when I go. Also, I want my death to be peaceful and not a nervous experience for me so I want to take it slowly. Doing something like jumping off a bridge or pulling a trigger on a gun is too instant and I’d lose my nerve trying over and over to do it. I want it to go slowly. For that reason I prefer pills or carbon monoxide poisoning. That way it will not be an instant “all or nothing” moment and I can take a while and go at my own pace. I worry if I could do it right though because I don’t have a garage to pull my car in for the carbon monoxide and I’m not sure of what I’d need/how to do it/where to do it otherwise. I think pills is the way to go. I’ve heard about a physician who took a bottle of aspirin and because she took it with a large amount of milk she was able to hold it down and die. Sometimes I think well if a doctor chose this way it must be a good way. Sometimes I’ve thought about taking a large quantity of Tylenol. I have heard that this is the slowest way to go and that after 10-12 hours you have done fatal liver damage that cannot be reversed but that you will live for a week or two. I like this idea. It is very slow and I have heard it is not painful. Sometimes I get annoyed with myself just for thinking about dying so much. I will be dead soon enough - I should just let God choose the moment and not me. |
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| Could be in Heaven now? |
[Sep. 10th, 2004|10:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
Thank you Jesus?
Should I be here?
For the best or worst?
Almost went to Heaven this week :) |
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| I am different |
[Mar. 5th, 2004|07:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | restless | ] |
Dear God, please help people to be patient with me and not to yell at me. They just do not understand. I am trying very hard. I cannot help that I am different. In Jesus' name, Amen. |
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| The World is Mine |
[Feb. 22nd, 2004|10:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Today upon a bus I saw a girl with golden hair;
she seemed so gay, I envied her, and wished that I were half so fair;
watched her as she rose to leave, and saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch, but as she passed - a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine;
I have two legs - the world is mine.
~ Dr. Tennyson Guyer |
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| Forever |
[Feb. 13th, 2004|05:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
From the "Purpose Driven Life" book:
God says, "I have plans and purposes for your life, but they don't end at death." Because when you die, your heart is going to stop and that will be the end of your body, but that's not the end of you. You're far more than a body. You were made to last forever." |
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| Lifehouse ~ Breathing |
[Jan. 15th, 2004|11:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
I'm looking past the shadows in my mind
into the truth and I'm trying to identify the voices in my head
God which one's you
let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel
and break these calluses off of me one more time |
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| Our Weak Human Bodies |
[Jan. 3rd, 2004|12:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Our body is like a house we live in here on earth. When it is destroyed, we know that God has another body for us in heaven. The new one will not be made by human hands as a house is made. This body will last forever. 2 Corinthians 5:1 |
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